What Forgiveness Is—and What It Isn't

There are wounds we carry because, somewhere deep inside, we believe we have a right to carry them.

The anger.
The resentment.
The betrayal.
The apology that never came.
The years we can't get back.

And sometimes, if we're being truthful, we really do have every reason to be angry. What happened was wrong. The pain was real. But biblical forgiveness does not ask us to pretend otherwise.

Forgiveness Is Not Pretending It Didn't Hurt

Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay.

It does not automatically mean reconciliation. It does not mean removing healthy boundaries. And it does not mean there shouldn't be consequences for someone's actions. For a long time, I wrestled with whether forgiving my father somehow meant minimizing what happened to me. It doesn't. Forgiveness is not agreement with the offender.

Forgiveness is surrender.

It's saying: God, I don't want to carry this anger anymore. I don't want resentment to have ownership of another part of my life. I don't know what restoration will look like, but I trust You enough to put this in Your hands. Unforgiveness can harden our hearts and eventually affect relationships far beyond the original wound. Healthy boundaries can protect us, but walls can keep everyone out.

When an Earthly Father Shapes the Way We See God

This becomes especially complicated when the person who wounded us was a father.

I've been thinking about this while reading Louie Giglio's Seeing God as a Perfect Father. Our experiences with earthly fathers can influence the way we see God. If your father was absent, you may expect God to leave. If your father was unpredictable, you may struggle to trust Him. If love had to be earned, you may believe God's love must be earned too.

But God is not a larger version of our earthly fathers. He is the standard of perfect fatherhood. He is present. Loving. Faithful. Safe. And sometimes healing from a father wound requires not only changing how we think about the person who hurt us, but allowing God to reshape how we see Him.

What Jeremiah 32 Taught Me About Forgiveness

Recently, Jeremiah 32 gave me an unexpected picture of surrender.

Jerusalem was under siege. Babylon was overtaking the land. Everything around Jeremiah pointed toward devastation. And in the middle of that, God told Jeremiah to buy a field. From a human perspective, it made no sense. But Jeremiah obeyed because God promised that houses, fields, and vineyards would one day be bought there again. Jeremiah saw an enemy.

God saw restoration.

And I started thinking about forgiveness. What if forgiveness is believing God enough to release what happened and trust Him with what comes next?

God was not asking Jeremiah to pretend the devastation wasn't real. Jerusalem still fell. There were real losses and real consequences. But devastation was not the end of the story.

God Sees Beyond What Was Taken

Maybe all you can see today is what was taken from you.

Your childhood. Your trust. A relationship. Years you can't get back. The apology you never received. The justice that never came. God sees beyond it. Your wound may be part of your story, but it does not get to write the ending.

Maybe there is something you need to put down today The anger. The bitterness. The need for that person to finally understand what they did.The expectation of an apology before you can move forward. Put it in God's hands—not because they deserve your forgiveness, but because you trust God with what happens next.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation Are Different

Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean giving them access to your life again.

Reconciliation requires more than one person. Forgiveness is something you can surrender to God even if the other person never apologizes, never changes, or never acknowledges the pain they caused. You are not responsible for saving the person who wounded you. You can pray for them. You can release them. And you can trust God with their story.

Your Wound Does Not Get the Final Word

Maybe a name came to mind while you were reading this. You don't have to force yourself to suddenly feel differently. Start with surrender. God, what happened was wrong. You know what it cost me. But I don't want this wound to own another part of my life. Help me forgive. Show me where I need boundaries and where I've built walls. Heal what I cannot heal on my own. And help me trust You with what happens next. Jeremiah's field declared:

I believe restoration is possible even though I cannot see it yet.

Maybe that's your declaration today too. Your wound may be part of your story.

But it does not get to write the ending.

The devastation does not get the final word.

God does.

Go Deeper

🎙️ Listen to this week's episode of The Redeemed Podcast: How to Forgive When They Don't Deserve It for more on Jeremiah 32, forgiveness, father wounds, and surrender.

📖 Louie Giglio's Seeing God as a Perfect Father is another meaningful resource for anyone working through father wounds or learning to see God differently.

And my own journey with forgiveness is woven throughout STOLEN: A True Story—Kidnapped, Rescued, Redeemed, releasing September 8.

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